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I have been trying to decide how to continue blogging without making myself feel schizophrenic. Between my work blog, facebook, here, crafting blog, creative blog, and upcycling blog... well... it's just nuts. So... I have decided to consolidate my blogging into a single place, and just do it all there. So... if ya wanna follow my writing, posts, life, bullshit... you can go here from now on:

That's it! Hugs all around. See ya in the funny papers!

which is completely different than crying like a hysterical girl, right?
knock knock, whose there? banana. banana who? banana dylan.


So... I haven't been around much for months now. Just posted icons and whatnot. Lots of whys... suddenly I feel like writing something here though.

My daughter has been in a rehab treatment program in Southern California since December 19. I have spent pretty much every weekend since then either flying or driving down to support her and participate in family group, and other related things like a week at the Betty Ford Center learning more about addiction and recovery and co-dependency. It's been a difficult but amazing journey. She has been clean and sober for 90 days as of yesterday. I'm very proud of her, and what she has accomplished in recovery so far. She has been working very hard, and really embracing the program. Her personal honesty is quite remarkable. I am very optimistic about her future. Even if she does relapse at some point I have a deep faith that she will find her way back to sobriety again, stronger and wiser. hopefully she won't feel the need to relapse, but of course I have no control over that.

Going through this has made it even more obvious that I have spent years on recovery cut off from the community of sobriety. I started going to AA meetings for the first time since moving to Petaluma (12 years). I have met some really fantastic women at meetings and am grateful for the nudge from the universe to start building relationships among sober people. I realize that every relationship I have had since getting sober has been with people who use. Kind of stunning when I sat down and thought about it.

Anyway, that's been what has been going on in my world. I'm getting ready for her to come home, probably next weekend. She will need to attend 90 AA meetings in 90 days, and will need 24 hour supervisions for those first 90 days. Her dad was initially involved in her recovery, but has chosen to stay in his addiction, so will not be involved in parenting after her release. Their relationship will continue on a casual basis, with Heather in the position to choose when to spend time with him, as long as he is not using in front of her, and they can meet in a safe public venue. I should not need to have any further direct contact with him, barring an emergency. You can imagine how much of a relief that is. The man has been the bane of my existence for the last 15 years. Other than him being struck dead by lightning, this is the next best outcome as far as I'm concerned. Of course, it is also my job as her mom to deal with my feelings about him separately from her. I have a small effigy I burn at night with little matchsticks. Heh heh. Just kidding.

I tried to upload some icons recently and found out that Lj has broken the scrapbook, so I won't be able to post them until that gets fixed. Until then, hope you gals are well, and that your lives are sweet and kind. Namaste.
and they never really did, but we tried them anyway, didn't we?

certain slant of light icons

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115 icons for transition through the long, low light of the New Year. want, take, have (as usual). comments gratefully accepted. image sources various and eclectic.

There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons --
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes --

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us --
We can find no scar,
But internal difference,
Where the Meanings, are --

None may teach it -- Any --
'Tis the Seal Despair --
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the Air --

When it comes, the Landscape listens --
Shadows -- hold their breath --
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death --

-Emily Dickinson

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So, my mom is going in for knee replacement surgery on November 4. She is probably the most stubbornly independent person I know, and her original estimation was that she wasn't going to need any help at all during her recovery. Yeah, that's my mom. After attending a consultation with her doctor, she later admitted to us that she would need a minimum of 24 hour a day care for at least a week. I took over the task of organizing my two sisters' and my schedule to make sure we would be able to cover the first week. My mom has been furiously trying to get all her Christmas shopping done early, and wound tight like a spring from her anxiety about being out of commission for so long afterward. To her credit, when I asked her last night at dinner whether she was nervous, she copped to it and admitted that she would be probably more anxious as the surgery drew nearer. I told her to go ahead and stock up on some killer weed if she needed to. If there was ever a time for her to be stoned, it is through this. (says the clean and sober gal). (and yes, that is selfish on my part, because if she is stoned she'll be easier to take care of!! ha ha ha).

With the death of my father, and now this milestone, I'm feeling my age. This is the fate of us all. If we are lucky to be close to our families, inevitably we wind up caring for and then losing them. Recently a few people I grew up with died as well. People I went to highschool with. People who lived on my street, that I have seen since we were kids. People whose kids are my daughter's age or younger.

I am not liking this whole getting older business.

Today I found birth control pills in my daughter's room. An empty packet of them, and a newly opened one. I guess she's on The Pill. Which I am proud of her for being responsible. But also... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Right? Gratefully, however, she was able to discover for herself the limitations of the boy she was dating and make the decision herself to break it off. I have watched her mature and develop ever more rapidly these past six months. Hard lessons, in some ways, but it won't be long before she is out in the world bashing around on her own and I'd rather supervise the lessons while she is still under my roof, staving off the worst of the repercussions if need be. Despite the unworthiness of her choice in boys, she maintained her grades in school, and has been developing a photography portfolio in preparation for application to several art colleges up and down the west coast. Her work is stunning, and it's a pleasure to be her mom these days. I really am so proud of her.

We vended at Roller Derby on Saturday night and what a fun frakkin scene that was! So many cute lesbian couples, strange biker people, random cheerleaders, fabulous gay men, dogs, firemen, and chicks on roller skates. So hot!! My armwarmers and hats went over like gangbusters. I'm still trying to develop something for straight guys though. I was grilling my brother in law last night about it. Maybe a ball cap... or a wallet. I dunno. I totally have to figure out something, because guys are always complaining in my booth there is nothing for them! Ha ha ha. Metaphor.

Teaching art on Tuesdays has been going very well. I am noticing that when you volunteer in the community it opens a lot of doors. People have begun to invite me to participate in gallery shows, trunk shows, and to have my products in their shops. Who knew working for free would be so lucrative? I also love the time I spend with the teens at the Phoenix. I am hoping to expand the art class into a full blown situation. If we could get a little funding we could do wonders there. I hope to be at the heart of developing a real art school there.

Last but not least, I love my roommate. He is a breath of fresh air in my life and in my household. Probably the most normal, low key, and positive person I've ever had the joy to live with. While at the same time not being shallow or fake. He's a sweet guy, and damn handsome. Easy on the eyes. If I was 10 years younger and 40 pounds lighter... ah well.

That's all the news that's fit to print. Back to my studio and getting ready for the next gig.